Post by Ace on Feb 17, 2004 11:56:02 GMT -5
Calgary Herald: Seduction goes beyond Bond -- a sympathetic how-to for guys
Trina Read
Monday, February 16, 2004
Pierce Brosnan strikes a fetching pose as Bond . . . James Bond.
I have always been perplexed at why so many men do not get seduction.
Being a naturally curious person, I went on a search to find what, if any, seduction education is available to men.
I hunted high and low in books, on the Internet and in magazines for information on how men are supposed to seduce women. I was appalled to find these materials had little or nothing to do with female seduction. Instead, they were full of tidbits on sexual technique -- which is quite different from seduction technique.
I then went to Webster's dictionary, which defines seduction as: To draw aside from the path of rectitude and duty in any manner; to entice to evil; to lead astray; to tempt and lead to iniquity; to corrupt. Interesting but still no help for men.
In a last-ditch effort, I turned to Hollywood movies and their leading men's contrived, formulaic seductions. Here I hit the jackpot.
I believe many men see James Bond as the consummate role-model seducer. In his movies, Bond meets his match in a gorgeous, sexy woman (with a name I cannot repeat in a family newspaper). He seduces her with witty repartee, over-the-top testosterone and a martini that's shaken not stirred.
Part of Bond's seductive ability is that he always leaves his beauty before the intense lust stage dwindles. This begs the question: Is his seduction success based on the Bond charisma or on the Bond bale-out before the relationship goes stale?
Nevertheless, Bond's secret to seduction has at least one thing correct. If there is a human psychological aphrodisiac, it is not moonlight, candles, raw oysters, or even champagne; it is novelty. The best seduction comes when two people know they are doing something new or something naughty or both.
Unlike Bond, most of us do not hop from one lust-induced short-term relationship to the next. Most of us prefer to be monogamous. Unfortunately, the routine of monogamy dampens the creative juices needed to initiate naughty and new.
So this leaves me where I started. A guy who wants to spice up his relationship has no place to find inspiration.
Could it be any more ironic? Women have huge Harlequin Romance seduction expectations and yet there is nothing for men to refer to. A guy could educate himself using Cosmopolitan magazine or a romance novel. (Right. And I could read a car magazine.) It's simply not going to happen.
In addition, men have a very confusing double standard around seduction. On one hand, society preaches that a "real man" is virile, charismatic and fantastic at seduction -- like Bond.
On the other hand, pretty much everything to do with seduction is considered by "real men" to be sissy.
Add to this, every woman wants to be seduced differently. There are a few universal no-fail seduction techniques: candlelight, long smouldering looks, kissing warm pulse points and caresses. Beyond those, it's anyone's guess what one woman will prefer.
I recall a fellow asking me how he could seduce his wife. I suggested something that I find fun: a lover's board game, wine, nibblies and soft music.
The wife hated it. She would have preferred him to cook a romantic dinner, plus do the laundry and clean the bathroom.
My initial quest for information about seduction techniques for men has turned into sympathy. With it comes my very unsexy advice for men who want to seduce their lover: you need to ask that special someone how they want to be seduced.
Give them suggestions such as, "Would you prefer a night in or a night out?" "A little warm oil massage or whipped cream?" or "a candlelit dinner or a blindfolded feeding?"
Now ladies, we have to cut our men some slack. When he asks how you want to be seduced, tell him. If you give a wimpy answer like, "Surprise me," you then have to be happy with whatever he comes up with. Heap on lots of well-deserved praise before, during and after the seduction.
Bottom line guys: women crave seduction. However you find inspiration, just go and do it. The novelty and newness will make the sex so much fun.
Trina Read is a motivational speaker and writer who is completing a doctorate of human sexuality.
Trina Read
Monday, February 16, 2004
Pierce Brosnan strikes a fetching pose as Bond . . . James Bond.
I have always been perplexed at why so many men do not get seduction.
Being a naturally curious person, I went on a search to find what, if any, seduction education is available to men.
I hunted high and low in books, on the Internet and in magazines for information on how men are supposed to seduce women. I was appalled to find these materials had little or nothing to do with female seduction. Instead, they were full of tidbits on sexual technique -- which is quite different from seduction technique.
I then went to Webster's dictionary, which defines seduction as: To draw aside from the path of rectitude and duty in any manner; to entice to evil; to lead astray; to tempt and lead to iniquity; to corrupt. Interesting but still no help for men.
In a last-ditch effort, I turned to Hollywood movies and their leading men's contrived, formulaic seductions. Here I hit the jackpot.
I believe many men see James Bond as the consummate role-model seducer. In his movies, Bond meets his match in a gorgeous, sexy woman (with a name I cannot repeat in a family newspaper). He seduces her with witty repartee, over-the-top testosterone and a martini that's shaken not stirred.
Part of Bond's seductive ability is that he always leaves his beauty before the intense lust stage dwindles. This begs the question: Is his seduction success based on the Bond charisma or on the Bond bale-out before the relationship goes stale?
Nevertheless, Bond's secret to seduction has at least one thing correct. If there is a human psychological aphrodisiac, it is not moonlight, candles, raw oysters, or even champagne; it is novelty. The best seduction comes when two people know they are doing something new or something naughty or both.
Unlike Bond, most of us do not hop from one lust-induced short-term relationship to the next. Most of us prefer to be monogamous. Unfortunately, the routine of monogamy dampens the creative juices needed to initiate naughty and new.
So this leaves me where I started. A guy who wants to spice up his relationship has no place to find inspiration.
Could it be any more ironic? Women have huge Harlequin Romance seduction expectations and yet there is nothing for men to refer to. A guy could educate himself using Cosmopolitan magazine or a romance novel. (Right. And I could read a car magazine.) It's simply not going to happen.
In addition, men have a very confusing double standard around seduction. On one hand, society preaches that a "real man" is virile, charismatic and fantastic at seduction -- like Bond.
On the other hand, pretty much everything to do with seduction is considered by "real men" to be sissy.
Add to this, every woman wants to be seduced differently. There are a few universal no-fail seduction techniques: candlelight, long smouldering looks, kissing warm pulse points and caresses. Beyond those, it's anyone's guess what one woman will prefer.
I recall a fellow asking me how he could seduce his wife. I suggested something that I find fun: a lover's board game, wine, nibblies and soft music.
The wife hated it. She would have preferred him to cook a romantic dinner, plus do the laundry and clean the bathroom.
My initial quest for information about seduction techniques for men has turned into sympathy. With it comes my very unsexy advice for men who want to seduce their lover: you need to ask that special someone how they want to be seduced.
Give them suggestions such as, "Would you prefer a night in or a night out?" "A little warm oil massage or whipped cream?" or "a candlelit dinner or a blindfolded feeding?"
Now ladies, we have to cut our men some slack. When he asks how you want to be seduced, tell him. If you give a wimpy answer like, "Surprise me," you then have to be happy with whatever he comes up with. Heap on lots of well-deserved praise before, during and after the seduction.
Bottom line guys: women crave seduction. However you find inspiration, just go and do it. The novelty and newness will make the sex so much fun.
Trina Read is a motivational speaker and writer who is completing a doctorate of human sexuality.
