Post by Lauryn on Oct 10, 2008 12:06:41 GMT -5
For all of us who have been poking our 401Ks and stock funds with a stick lately to see if they're still with us, well, maybe it's better to laugh than cry...
Found this at joemax93.blogspot.com/2008/10/dead-stock-market-sketch.html
DEAD STOCK MARKET SKETCH
Mr. Obama: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.
Mr. Paulson: We're closin' for lunch.
Mr. Obama: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this stock market what I purchased not half a year ago from this very economy.
Mr. Paulson: Oh yes, the, uh, the Unfettered Free Stock Market... What's, uh... What's wrong with it?
Mr. Obama: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. It's dead, that's what's wrong with it!
Mr. Paulson: No, no, 'e's uh,... it's... adjustin'.
Mr. Obama: Look, matey, I know a dead stock market when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
Mr. Paulson: No no it's not dead, it's, it's adjustin'! Remarkable stock market, the Unfettered Free, idn'it, ay? Beautiful portfolio!
Mr. Obama: The portfolio don't enter into it. It's stone dead.
Mr. Paulson: Nononono, no, no! it's adjustin'!
Mr. Obama: All right then, if it's adjustin', I'll wake it up! (shouting at the cage) 'Ello, Mister stock market! I've got a lovely fresh government bailout for you if you...
(Mr. Paulson hits the treasury)
Mr. Paulson: There, it moved!
Mr. Obama: No, it didn't, that was you inflating the money supply!
Mr. Paulson: I never!!
Mr. Obama: Yes, you did!
Mr. Paulson: I never, never did anything...
Mr. Obama: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO STOCK MARKET!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your election year alarm call!
(Takes stock market out of the cage and thumps its head on the CNBC anchor desk. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet 1000 points.)
Mr. Obama: Now that's what I call a dead stock market.
Mr. Paulson: No, no... No, it's discouraged!
Mr. Obama: DISCOURAGED?!?
Mr. Paulson: Yeah! You discouraged it, just as it was wakin' up! Unfettered Free stock markets discourage easily, major.
Mr. Obama: Um... now look... now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That stock market is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf a year ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged irrational exuberance.
Mr. Paulson: Well, it's... it's, ah... probably pining for the Reagan.
Mr. Obama: PININ' for the REAGAN?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that? Look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?
Mr. Paulson: The Unfettered Free stock market prefers keepin' on it's back! Remarkable market, id'nit, squire? Lovely portfolio!
Mr. Obama: Look, I took the liberty of examining that stock market when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on a 13,000+ point index in the first place was that it had been NAILED there with over-leveraged real estate.
Mr. Paulson: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If we hadn't nailed that market down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its golden parachutes, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!
Mr. Obama: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this market wouldn't "voom" if you put 700 billion dollars through it! It's bleedin' demised!
Mr. Paulson: No no! It's pining!
Mr. Obama: It's not pinin'! It's passed on! This stock market is no more! It has ceased to be! It's expired and gone to meet it's maker! It's a stiff! Bereft of life, it rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed it to the over-inflated mortgage investments, it'd been pushing up the daisies! It's economic processes are now 'istory! It's off the twig! It's kicked the bucket, it's shuffled off it's mortal coil, rung down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS... is an EX-stock market!!!
Found this at joemax93.blogspot.com/2008/10/dead-stock-market-sketch.html
DEAD STOCK MARKET SKETCH
Mr. Obama: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.
Mr. Paulson: We're closin' for lunch.
Mr. Obama: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this stock market what I purchased not half a year ago from this very economy.
Mr. Paulson: Oh yes, the, uh, the Unfettered Free Stock Market... What's, uh... What's wrong with it?
Mr. Obama: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. It's dead, that's what's wrong with it!
Mr. Paulson: No, no, 'e's uh,... it's... adjustin'.
Mr. Obama: Look, matey, I know a dead stock market when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
Mr. Paulson: No no it's not dead, it's, it's adjustin'! Remarkable stock market, the Unfettered Free, idn'it, ay? Beautiful portfolio!
Mr. Obama: The portfolio don't enter into it. It's stone dead.
Mr. Paulson: Nononono, no, no! it's adjustin'!
Mr. Obama: All right then, if it's adjustin', I'll wake it up! (shouting at the cage) 'Ello, Mister stock market! I've got a lovely fresh government bailout for you if you...
(Mr. Paulson hits the treasury)
Mr. Paulson: There, it moved!
Mr. Obama: No, it didn't, that was you inflating the money supply!
Mr. Paulson: I never!!
Mr. Obama: Yes, you did!
Mr. Paulson: I never, never did anything...
Mr. Obama: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO STOCK MARKET!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your election year alarm call!
(Takes stock market out of the cage and thumps its head on the CNBC anchor desk. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet 1000 points.)
Mr. Obama: Now that's what I call a dead stock market.
Mr. Paulson: No, no... No, it's discouraged!
Mr. Obama: DISCOURAGED?!?
Mr. Paulson: Yeah! You discouraged it, just as it was wakin' up! Unfettered Free stock markets discourage easily, major.
Mr. Obama: Um... now look... now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That stock market is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf a year ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged irrational exuberance.
Mr. Paulson: Well, it's... it's, ah... probably pining for the Reagan.
Mr. Obama: PININ' for the REAGAN?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that? Look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?
Mr. Paulson: The Unfettered Free stock market prefers keepin' on it's back! Remarkable market, id'nit, squire? Lovely portfolio!
Mr. Obama: Look, I took the liberty of examining that stock market when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on a 13,000+ point index in the first place was that it had been NAILED there with over-leveraged real estate.
Mr. Paulson: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If we hadn't nailed that market down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its golden parachutes, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!
Mr. Obama: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this market wouldn't "voom" if you put 700 billion dollars through it! It's bleedin' demised!
Mr. Paulson: No no! It's pining!
Mr. Obama: It's not pinin'! It's passed on! This stock market is no more! It has ceased to be! It's expired and gone to meet it's maker! It's a stiff! Bereft of life, it rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed it to the over-inflated mortgage investments, it'd been pushing up the daisies! It's economic processes are now 'istory! It's off the twig! It's kicked the bucket, it's shuffled off it's mortal coil, rung down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS... is an EX-stock market!!!
